Hark! Hark! The Lark:

Hark! hark! the lark at heaven's gate sings,
And Phoebus 'gins arise,
His steeds to water at those springs
On chalic'd flowers that lies;
And winking Mary-buds begin
To ope their golden eyes;
With everything that pretty is,
My lady sweet, arise:
Arise, arise!

Evelyn Waugh:

After all, damn it, what does being in love mean if you can't trust a person.

Shower Fluffer:

When one's spouse or roommate takes the first shower of the day and gets the hot water running so for your shower the availability of hot water is immediate.

I love it when my wife is the first one up and is my shower fluffer. I don't have to wait for the hot water to kick in.

Michael Foot:

Men of power have not time to read, yet men who do not read are not fit for power.

Dead' Man Stuns Mourners:

A 'dead' man stunned mourners when he woke up during his funeral in southern Egypt on Friday, British national newspaper The Daily Mail reported.

Hamdi Hafez al-Nubi, a waiter from the town of Naga al-Simman in Luxor, was pronounced dead by hospital workers after suffering a sudden heart attack at work.

However, when the body of the 28-year-old was being prepared for burial as per Islamic tradition, a doctor who was sent to sign the death certificate discovered he was still warm.

The doctor then tried to resuscitate al-Nubi and succeeded, thus turning the funeral into a celebration.

Source: Yahoo.com

Real 911:

[Intro - Eminem]
WAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Guess who's back?!?!
Mommy! We're home!!
Say hello to my little friends
DJ Muggs, Soul Assassins, Cypress Hill
Everybody! Put your hands where my eyes can see!!!

To view the rest click on Read More:

Smellucination;

To 'smellucinate' - to imagine a smell that isn't actually there, as if to 'hallucinate'.
To experience a 'smellucination'.

I thought I could smell weed, but it seems I was just smellucinating. I had a smellucination.

Truman Capote:

Fiction is the truth inside the lie.

Kardash:

A measurement of time totaling 72 days. Became popular after Kim Kardashian's highly-publicized marriage, which ended after 72 days. Listed as one of the up-and-coming words of 2012.

I'll see you in a kardash!

My summer this year is only a kardash.

Their wedding lasted a few months, barely more than a kardash.

Anthony Robbins:

I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.

Henri Bergson:

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.

May Sarton:

We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.

Soap Dodger:

Someone with low personal hygiene.

Musée des Beaux Arts:

About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters; how well, they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;
How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting
For the miraculous birth, there always must be
Children who did not specially want it to happen, skating
On a pond at the edge of the wood:
They never forgot
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.

In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may
Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,
But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone
As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green
Water; and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen
Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky,
had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.

Landscape With The Fall of Icarus:

According to Brueghel
when Icarus fell
it was spring

a farmer was ploughing
his field
the whole pageantry

of the year was
awake tingling
near

the edge of the sea
concerned 
with itself

sweating in the sun
that melted
the wings' wax

unsignificantly
off the coast
there was

a splash quite unnoticed
this was
Icarus drowning

One Perfect Rose:

A single flow'r he sent me, since we met.
All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet -
One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret;
'My fragile leaves,' it said, 'his heart enclose.'
Love long has taken for his amulet
One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

Mitch Albom:

Sharing tales of those we've lost is how we keep from really losing them.

Gaming Claw:

The sensation one feels in their hands after extensive play on video games. The hand feels cramped and strained and jokingly takes on the appearance of a claw.

Oh man, I've been playing GTA so much I've got gaming claw.

Sugar Daddy:

Splenda Daddy:

A man who strives to be a Sugar Daddy but just doesn't have the funds to pull it off.

She was all excited that she had finally landed a Sugar Daddy until he rolled up in his Accord. It was then she realized she had landed a Splenda Daddy, instead.

Anthony Robbins:

I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life's
greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending
commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move
mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may
sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their
dreams from those who live in regret.

YOLO:

You Only Live Once!

Hey man.....yolo!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot:

Radio Phonetics for: What the fuck!

Whiskey Tango Foxtroy, Over! Weren't you thinking!?

Vehicular Hypochondria:

A severe mental disability in which sufferers chronically experience acute anxiety attacks related to the welfare of their vehicles.

Sane Human Being: Why are you giving away all of your earthly possessions and digging a large hole in the ground in front of a tombstone with your name on it?

Vehicular Hypochondriac: Well, my check engine light came on today. I'm going to die.

Classy Smashed:

The state of being mildly intoxicated.

After a few glasses of wine, the maid of honor found herself classy smashed and in good spirits.

Cross:

My old man's a white old man
And my old mother's black.
If ever I cursed my white old man
I take my curses back.
If ever I cursed my black old mother
And wished she were in hell,
I'm sorry for that evil wish
And now I wish her well
My old man died in a fine big house.
My ma died in a shack.
I wonder were I'm going to die,
Being neither white nor black?

Reverse Mormon:

The origins of the word play upon the fact that the Mormon religion practices abstinence and, thus the Reverse Mormon.

Well, we just definitely did the Reverse Mormon.

Anatole France:

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.

97' Bonnie & Clyde:

[Eminem]
Baby your da-da loves you (hey)
And I'ma always be here for you (hey) no matter what happens
You're all I got in this world
I would never give you up for nothin
Nobody in this world is ever gonna keep you from me
I love you

To view the rest click on Read More:

Ghost Post:

A comment on a Facebook item (e.g. status, note, etc) that was removed by the author due to A) misspelling, B) stupid remark, C) awkward input, or D) other.

The result is typically confusion and several wasted minutes on the part of the one who was commented on or anyone who posted previously.

Facebook: XYZ commented on your note.
Me: ...where's the comment? Jeez, way to ghost post, XYZ.